If you´ve ever felt this way, it´s okay, you are not alone. In fact it´s very common since most of us haven´t been taught how to understand and process our emotions at all. Most of us have been taught to repress emotion, especially when it comes to emotions we perceive as negative. We develop all kinds of coping mechanisms; dissociation, isolation, denial, and endless ways of distracting ourselves (just to name a few). Anything to avoid feeling, basically.
"Negative" emotion becomes our enemy, or so we think... But in truth, there is always a reason why those uncomfortable emotions come up; they carry an important message for us, they are here for us, not against us.
Emotions are like a compass, they are our internal guidance system. Emotions show us when we are on the right path, when are aligned with our life purpose (through positive emotion) and they also show us when something needs to change, when we are not in alignment with our highest good (through negative emotion). This is why it´s crucial that we reconnect with our emotions.
Whenever we try to avoid anything we are in a state of resistance, and resistance makes stronger, so it makes it much worse. This is when it gets really frustrating... On top of the initial negative emotion you have resistance and frustration, and it only gets worse and worse...
So what can you do about it?
I suggest you begin by asking yourself "Why am I trying to feel any differently?"
It´s natural for us to desire experiencing positive emotions, but what is so bad about negative emotions?
1- Stop telling yourself you should feel any different than you do. That is emotional abuse.
It´s totally valid to feel anger, rage, fear, anxiety, sadness, hopelessness, confusion and any negative emotion you can possibly think of.
Every single emotion you have matters and deserves to be heard and felt. Even when you don´t know the reason for that emotion, there is always a reason why it´s there. No, there is nothing wrong with you, you are not crazy. In fact, if you are aware of your emotions it´s a sign that you are not completely disconnected from your internal guidance system, and this is good, even if not all emotions feel good. Just because it´s difficult or uncomfortable it doesn't mean that it´s bad.
2- Allow yourself to feel. Allow that emotion to simply be there.
We´ve learnt that resistance only makes it worse, so we may as well just try the opposite of resistance which is allowing. Allow yourself to surrender to the emotion completely, just let go... You can do this by finding a quiet space where you feel safe if that helps (but you can do it anywhere, anytime if you feel comfortable with that) and simply breath into the emotion.
As you breath in allow the emotion to intensify, as you breath out release any resistance. Where in your body is that emotion? What sensations does it cause you to feel? What thoughts?
Give your undivided, unconditional attention to your feelings. Dont rush it, don´t do it so it goes away, do it with love. This may be scary, it may feel like the pain will never end, but you are completely safe.
Just feel. This is really the most important part. Emotion is energy in motion, once you allow if to just be it will naturally and effortlessly transform. Just allow the emotion to move through you.
Once you feel you are no longer stuck, change occurs inevitably within you.
· IMPORTANT TIP; Try to avoid identifying yourself with your emotions, instead just become the observer. Hold the space for your thoughts and feelings and realize you are not your thoughts and feelings, they don´t define you.
3- Unraveling your thoughts and tapping into your Subconscious Mind.
Something very powerful is free writing, this allows you to become conscious of the subconscious, and therefore gain understanding. It also helps emotions to flow. Free writing really helps the emotions communicate with you directly and deliver its messages to you. So simply start writing everything you think and feel, it doesn't have to sound nice, it doesn't have to be organized, it doesn't even have to make any sense, just keep writing. Do this with an open mind, just allow the words to flow through you. Remember, nobody has to ever read this so allow yourself to fully express yourself authentically now in a non-judgmental way, there is no wrong way to do it.
You may already have an idea of why you´re feeling this way, but if you really dive deep into your feelings you will understand it with much more depth and you may even realize it had nothing to do with what you thought it was initially.
4- Express emotion in any way that causes you to feel relief.
(You can do this at any moment of the process, whenever it feels right, there is no particular order to these steps) You can shout, punch a pillow, dance, sing... Allow yourself to cry, this is an amazing way to release negative energy and it´s very healthy.
5- Find resolution.
You have many options at this point. You could chose to do some basic inner-child healing, which is very simple; comforting your inner child, meeting her/his needs during visualization... (I will make a detailed blog post about this soon)
You could do some deep trauma resolution too, I highly recommend "The Completion Process" from Teal Swan.
You can also go straight into re-evaluating your current situation.
If you feel like you could benefit from external help seek guidance from someone you resonate with, that could be a friend, therapist, a coach...(You can contact me)
Depending on how you feel you could do one thing or another. You know what is best for you better than anyone in each moment so just follow your intuition.
6-Understanding your Emotions and Re-evaluating your situation.
The amazing thing about negative emotions is that they are giving you the opportunity to get to know yourself better, they will show you what is unwanted and therefore you´ll also learn what is wanted (for you personally).
Negative emotions give you the opportunity to heal the wounded aspects of yourself, diving deep into your subconscious mind and becoming whole again.
Negative emotions show you what changes you need to make in order to bring true happiness and joy into your life.
I suggest you ask yourself the following questions and write down the answers;
- "What have I discovered about myself through this process?"
- "What changes can I make in my life that would make me feel better?"
- "How was this feeling process helped me? In which was was it positive?"
- "How can I love myself more?"
Feel free to make any changes in your life if and when you feel ready to. There is no hurry with this process, it´s important that you are gentle and compassionate with yourself. Whatever you do, may it be inspired action, through love.
And if you´re still confused, it´s okay. Sometimes we can understand our emotions straight away and other times it takes longer, but the more you practice listening to the feeling the easier it will be. Also when we dive into the subconscious mind it takes some time for the changes to be fully integrated, and more and more information will be delivered to you, so just be patient.
Just feeling alone will be a huge self-loving step.
7- Rise your vibration.
Once you have reflected upon your situation and feel a sense of completion I recommend you do something to lighten up, nothing serious... You can have a bath, go for a walk, paint, dance, sleep, meditate, do yoga, positive focus, hang out with your friends... Anything you enjoy! This will cause you to rise your vibration and release any remaining heaviness or tension. What helps me the most is being in nature and connecting with the beautiful Nature Spirits.
To sum up...
What we need to realize is that we can´t force ourselves to feel something other than what we feel, neither would that be self-loving. The transition from negative to positive emotion occurs naturally but we can´t skip steps.
We have to go right through it.
I know this isn't easy at all, it takes a lot of courage to feel, but you will find an incredible liberation when you do. Feeling is freeing. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. You will develop a deeper connection with yourself and with others. When you understand your deepest most painful emotions you can also understand others and their actions better, it becomes much easier to be compassionate towards other people instead of taking things so personally. You will also be way more attuned to your inner voice (your intuition) and will receive guidance more clearly. You will gain endless self-expansion through feeling,
Remember, this is not something that you do just once, this is something you must include as part of your life, feeling is part of our nature.
Got any questions? Please feel free to ask!
If you would like to go deeper into this and receive guidance you can book a 1 to 1 session with me and I will help you with your personal situation.
Just Contact me and I´ll get back to you as soon as possible. Emotions are actually one of the things I am most passionate about, I´m a very sensitive person, I´ve had a long journey with feeling in general and this is probably my biggest strength.
I´m sending much love your way. Namaste! ♥
On a deep, beautiful journey of expansion, healing and sharing.
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More Blog posts:
▷Being a Fairyologist
▷Alignment and Life Purpose
▷Talking to Rocks, Crystals and Stones
▷Meet your Needs