What are boundaries? ...
Personal boundaries are nothing else than our preferences, what is wanted and unwanted. Every person has their own unique personal boundaries. We can only get to know what our boundaries are when we pay attention to our emotions; what feels good and not good. Boundaries can be as small as "I prefer oranges than strawberries", and as big as "I want to be treated with respect", "I don´t want to be abused" or "I need to feel safe"
There is a boundary violation whenever these preferences are not respected, and many times, it´s ourselves whom violate our own boundaries...
Here are some examples of how you may be violating your own boundaries:
- If you say "Yes" when you really want to say "No", or viceversa.
- If you expose yourself to people, places and circumstances that stress you out, that make you feel uncomfortable and that don´t feel good.
- If you do something because you feel pressured, rushed or forced to do it, instead of taking inspired action when the time and place feels right.
- If you repress and don´t express your true feelings, thoughts and emotions.
- If you do things to please someone else even though it doesn't feel good to you.
- If you need help or support but don´t ask for it or intentionally seek it.
- If you don´t speak up when something hurt you or affected you negatively in any way or if you would like something to change.
- If you allow others to mistreat you.
- If you do something that contradicts your own values, your integrity or your desires, you are most definitely violating your own boundaries.
If you do any of the above in any way, you are not alone, it´s very common for people to violate their own boundaries, here is why:
Someone who violates their own boundaries does it as a result of having had other people failing at respecting that persons boundaries in their upbringing. This person ends up learning that in order to be loved, and thus survive, they have to ignore their own boundaries, because their needs and wants were not convenient for their primary care takers (parents, family members, teachers...).
Usually children´s behavior is seen as wrong, when in reality it´s just inconvenient, uncomfortable and challenging for their care takers. The reason why it´s so uncomfortable for others it´s because it triggers them, it forces them to face their shadow, so they instantly see the children's behavior as a threat.
Sadly, adults tend to teach children to do what benefits them, instead of looking at themselves, working on themselves and facing their own shadows.
As a result children lose connection with their internal guidance system, their inner-voice and their intuition and as they grow up they struggle to trust their own ideas and decisions. They easily doubt themselves. They stop living for themselves and they live life trying to please other people and society at large.
Also, there is A LOT of pressure from society in general to be "normal"... To be self-contained, "well-behaved", to always smile, but "hey! not too much", to act a certain way, to say certain things, to wear certain clothes, etc. It´s very unhealthy because it makes it impossible for people to embrace their authentic selves without being judged, ridiculed and discriminated, it makes it really hard to experience freedom. You can just feel and see the resistance of everyone else whenever someone steps outside of the box...
Many people who ignore their own wants and needs are not even aware of it, it has became something automatic, it´s in their subconscious mind.
Some people do this in a very subtle way, just sometimes, while other people do this most of the time in many areas of their lives.
It has become normal to abuse ourselves this way, and it needs to change.
It´s about time we start questioning our beliefs and our habits.
We need to become aware of how we feel in each moment and honor that, our feelings will tell us what is right for us in each moment.
It´s not fair to expect to just to feel good when we are violating our own boundaries. We are essentially abusing ourselves.
We must wake up to the truth that there is no wrong or right.
We need to realize it´s 100% okay to want what we want, and it´s completely okay to not want what we don´t want, it´s totally valid, whether others agree or not doesn't matter.
No body can tell you what your boundaries are but you.
Therefore, there is no reason to keep abusing and shaming yourself, repressing your desire to express yourself fully, hiding your true self...
You can live an authentic life if you want to, expressing yourself truthfully.
You can live a fulfilling life if you want to, by choosing to do those things which you are actually passionate about.
You have the choice, no one can take it way from you, it´s up to you!
Free yourself from the chains that have kept you small and quiet for so long.
Start walking in the direction of things, people, places and circumstances that feel good to you. This is the essence of Self-Love.
"If you feel guilt or shame when you start respecting your own boundaries know it´s NOT because you are doing something wrong, it´s simply because they have taught you to feel that way when you respect your own boundaries" (...)
It´s really painful to feel this way, but you won´t feel like that forever. The best thing to do is to face the emotion and allow yourself to feel it and go right through it. I wrote a Blog about it; Here is a detailed description of how to work with negative emotions.
Little steps make a huge difference in the end...even if it´s one little change every day, that´s an achievement.
If you would like to go deeper and more personal into this you can Book a Consultation or a Reading with me. It would be my pleasure to help you.
I´m sending you so much love ♥
On a deep, beautiful journey of expansion, healing and sharing.
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More Blog posts:
▷Being a Fairyologist
▷Alignment and Life Purpose
▷Talking to Rocks, Crystals and Stones
▷Meet your Needs